My head rested comfortably on my special “flight pillow” as the plane ascended. Here I am, once again on a flight back to the USA.
A few years ago, I would’ve jumped with joy at the chance to take a trip back home. Its funny how I’ve changed. Now, a trip back home is flying back to the Dominican Republic and driving up my mountain. Yes, HOPE Mountain is home to me these days.
Anxiety holds me tight as I freeze under a blanket and wrapped in my grandmother’s sweater. I can’t relax, even though I got no sleep last night. Just worry. Fear. Wonder of what happens tomorrow.
I’ve known for years that my legal immigration status in the Dominican Republic needed to be corrected. So many of us foreigners lived without worry because we knew that we could just pay a tax when leaving, thus the process of becoming a resident didn’t weigh us down. My situation was even better. As a missionary, I was exempt from that tax, so I could stay there as long as I wanted without a worry.
But like an unwanted rodent in the night, the law changed. It changed and we weren’t even notified! We found out when it seemed to be too late.
So now, here I go, back to the USA to work out our Dominican residency issues. Away from home. The DR law requires us to obtain our Dominican residency in our country of citizenship. I have to work out these immigration issues at a Dominican consulate in the states.
It seems so not right. So untimely. So unfortunate.
The ladies on my mountain were finally opening up to me. Our churches are finally seeing the numeric and the spiritual growth we’ve longed to see. We are experiencing salvations and baptisms almost every week!
Our property is as peaceful as ever. Our children centers have the order we’ve longed for and HOPE sings in the air! All while I’m sitting on an airplane!
My heart cries for the our ministry in the DR, not for DR consul in DC!
And the anxiety! It won’t let me go. I prayed all day yesterday-even throughout the night. Why so much fear?
Perhaps I’m afraid of our supporters. What will they think of me when they see me in the states once again? Why does that thought make me tense?
Perhaps the ladies won’t open up any more? Or the churches will become desolate or the property may turn into a non-cared for jungle again or the centers will become chaotic or HOPE’s melody will cease.
Oh, and there is always a need for money! Children won’t eat at the centers if there is no money. Our teacher’s won’t get paid without money. The church’s rent, the musicians, the projects, nothing would happen without money!
I can’t understand. Worry is really trying its best to grip me.
I’ve begun a new prayer journey. My prayers have become more direct and written out with scriptures attached. They’ve been effective. Straight forward. Hitting its target. Serious. Forceful. Meaningful. That’s what my prayers have been lately.
Perhaps the anxiety, fear and worry is a counter attack.
Perhaps the enemy wants me to focus on my false reality and not on my true reality, who is a Person, Christ Jesus!
So, to remain consistent with my prayer journey, I pray, “Why so downcast Oh my soul, put your HOPE in God. And Do not gloat over me, my enemies! For though I fall, I will rise again. Though I sit in darkness, the Lord will be my light.” I fight back and I win.
My hope rests in my God.
He drew the ladies, not me.
He grew the churches, not me.
He brought the order to the centers, not me.
He brought the tranquility and peace, He is the HOPE that is proclaimed in the atmosphere, not me.
And He provides, not humans. He has never, ever let me down. He won’t stop now.
So I choose to fear Him, not man. Not any man.
He sees my insanity and He provides clear direction. He forgives my iniquities. He is full of grace. His grace is poured out upon me now.
So, I’ll drink my watered down American coffee on this flight; just to keep warm. I’ll snuggle up in my grandmother’s sweater and blanket and lay my weary head on my pillow. He knows what tomorrow holds. My life and HOPE Dominican Republic is in His loving and faithful hands.